Spouse, Kids, School, Job: How to balance it and make time for yourself!

Hello again friends!

When reflecting on my weight loss success over the last 2 years, I've often asked myself what changed in me.  I mean, I've tried losing weight over and over through the years - so why did I finally have LONG TERM success this time, and not the other times?  Especially knowing that I have more "demands" in my life now than I ever had before.  When I started on my journey in 2009, I was balancing a marriage, 3 kids, working on my bachelor's degree, and a full time job.  During my reflection, I think I figured out the top 2 reasons, and I wanted to share them with you.  Whatever your life demands are, know that IT IS POSSIBLE to make time to get healthy.  You have to make it a priority, and have the love and support of your family and friends.

Reason #1

Communication with your spouse/partner is KEY!!

Whenever Curt (my husband) and I attempted to start exercise and diet programs in the past, I don't think we supported each other as best as we could.  I will be the first to admit, I would sometimes be grumpy if after working all week long he wanted to take an hour or two on Saturday and Sunday to go work out.  I would tell myself, "this is our family time, and he is leaving to go workout".  I knew that Curt would reciprocate and allow me time for myself, but deep inside, that's not what I wanted.  I wanted  to sit on the couch and be fat and happy together (by the way - fat and happy don't really go together).  The result was eventually he would give up his plan, I would give up mine, and we would go back to eating Pizza Hut Meat Lover's Stuffed Crust pizza every weekend!  :-)

What changed?  Well, I think I started to realize how unhappy we both were.  It's amazing how when your self-esteem sinks lower and lower, it truly effects your marriage.  I think I was in denial about this for a long time.  I felt terrible about the way I looked, therefore, I assumed that I must not be attractive to my spouse anymore.  I suspected Curt felt the same way - and we just both sulked in our unhappiness for awhile.  The intimacy and close relationship we had once shared seemed to be slowly waning.  For awhile, I chalked it up to the fact that we had children, and that kids change a relationship.  When I FINALLY (9 years into our marriage) figured out that our own individual happiness and self-esteem had a direct effect on our marital happiness that is when I changed my attitude.  I remember clearly having that conversation with Curt when he came to me to tell me he wanted to get serious about losing weight and exercising.  He told me how much he wanted to start running again, but that he needed my support.  I made a decision right then and there that no matter what we had to juggle around in our schedules, I would support him having his work out time.  He said he would support me as well.  Of course, a few weeks later I found out I was pregnant with our third child (SURPRISE!!).  That postponed my personal fitness plans a little bit, but I vowed to give him my full support.  SO - that's the history - and how we have learned the importance of communication.

Curt has made big sacrifices (mostly sleep!) in order to get his work outs in during the week with as little impact as possible on the family.  He wakes up at 4:00 in the morning to get to the gym and work out prior to work.  This way, he doesn't have to do it in the evenings, when the kids want to spend time with him.  This allows me to go to school in the evenings, and now teach fitness classes on top of that!!  I appreciate that he is so committed to his family and his health that he is willing to get up this early...I'm not sure if I could do that!

On Friday, we usually spend a few minutes laying out the "work out" plans for the weekend.  If he wants to get in a 10 mile run at some point, he knows that it makes the wife happy if he tells me when he's planning on doing it.  In return, I'll tell him what my work out plans are - and we figure out the best times/days to fit it in so the other is prepared to hold down the fort during that time.  We also make sure to talk about when we are going to work out so that other family obligations (kids activities, family dinners, time with friends, etc.) don't conflict.  Just this small conversation has helped tremendously with supporting each other and kept us accountable to sticking to our work outs! 

When I realized how much happier my hubby is when he gets a work out in, I actually began to PUSH him out of the house.  I can't believe how much of a difference that hour or two makes in his mood and mine.  We are both much happier people now.  We have more confidence and self-esteem than we have ever had before, and the difference in our marriage is incredible.  I have never been more in love with my husband than I am now....and I know it's because we both love OURSELVES.  (I hope this isn't getting too Dr. Phil for anyone.)  :-)

Reason #2

Keep a calendar and put everything on it!!

Whether it is your Outlook calendar, your smart phone, or an old fashioned day planner - put EVERYTHING on a calendar.  If you have work, a doctor's appointment, your kid's basketball game, a vet appointment for your dog, and you know you want to vacuum the house - schedule it all on a calendar.  Then, look at what you have on your calendar and write down the time and duration of when you will work out.  If you aren't working out that day, put "rest day".  If you're using a type of electronic calendar, set reminders for yourself.  I know it sounds simple, but scheduling even the most mundane tasks (grocery shopping, cleaning the bathroom, etc.) will help you to ensure that you make time for yourself in that day, whether it be an hour at the gym, working out in your living room, or going for a walk.

It's fine to leave some room for spontaneity, but scheduling will really help you make time for yourself.  If you need to, share your calendar with your family so they know when you will be having your "me" time.

For fun - here's the difference between the unhappy couple and the happy couple.  Notice the difference in our body language (and how Curt keeps himself hidden with a pillow)!!  :-)

Unhappy Couple

Happy Couple

What a difference a couple of years make!!!  So - get your partner and your kids on board, schedule your demands and make time to get yourself happy and healthy!!!!  There is no magic pill to happiness and health - just hard work, determination, and the love and support of your family!!

Yours in health,

Traci